“He Doesn’t Remember it; I’ll Never Forget,” Pt 3 (Conclusion)

Sometimes you might find that an unintended slight seems to hang on for dear life.

You know there was no malice involved. You know to dwell on the event would be a petty waste of time.

But for some reason, like gum on the sole of your shoe, this one seems to hang on.

Here’s what you can do.


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Sit down alone with a nurturing beverage in a place and at a time that you won’t be interrupted. Take pen in hand and write down what happened, from whom, how the episode made you feel, and what – if anything – you’d like to say to the person.

Be honest (this is not the time to worry about sounding petty). Get it out. In short, vent.

Then – and this is VERY important – shred what you wrote. If you don’t have a shredder handy, destroy it some other way. You don’t want anyone to see it and you don’t want to save it.


And why do you not actually say these words to the person?

Because you don’t want to reinforce the idea that this was something more than what it actually was. Namely, an unintended, slight slight that had no malice behind it and isn’t deserving of any serious consideration.


Sometimes we just need to vent.


Once you’ve destroyed what you wrote, say to yourself, “I’m done with that. I’ll give it no more of my time.”

Then you might want to go back to the quotations in part 2, just to remind yourself not to give thought time to the “offense.”


[su_quote]An unintended slight need never be more than gum on our psychological shoe.[/su_quote]


If we need counseling or therapy for this type of experience, we’ve given it WAY to much air time in our life.

Remember that gum on the shoe sole I mentioned earlier? Needing psychotherapy or counseling for such a minor offense is like taking your shoe to a cobbler to get the gum off!

For such a person, therapy might indeed be called for – but I assure you the problem in such cases goes much deeper than having been accidentally slighted by someone.


In the overwhelming majority of these experiences, simply choosing to let go of the matter will suffice.

In occasional or rare cases, we might need to employee the above venting exercise.

But unless we are possessed of a deeper problem – that will be enough.


“He [or she] doesn’t remember it; I’ll never forget” times occur both positively and negatively in life.

When for our betterment, we should hold them as treasures, and squeeze all the goodness we can out of them. They can be powerful tools for good in us.

Unfortunately, we can also be both the source and the subject of accidental experiences of this maxim that can sting a bit. Happily, when these times occur, they need never become more than a minor nuisance – or gum on our psychological shoe.

Dr Michael Ruth, Growth Resources, Personal Growth