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because life’s better when you’re better at it

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The Problem Is Not You

Most people think the fact that they’re alive means they should automatically know how to live well. But you don’t have to look far to realize that’s not the case. 

Reason being, the ability to live well is not something we’re born with but rather something we have to learn how to do.

A common misconception is that we think just because we are alive we should automatically know how to live well.

Said differently, the craft of living is very much like any other craft or skill set you want to master. Before you can do it well – you first have to learn how.

But this is good news

Because that means if you’re unhappy, discouraged, or struggling with something that keeps getting the best of you, it’s not because you’re a failure. Or a bad person. Or any other negative message you tell yourself.

Consider for a minute how much you enjoy doing something you’re good at. You feel confident going in because you know what to do and how to do it. And afterward you enjoy the satisfaction of a job well done.

But what happens when you have to do something you’re not good at? Something you know you don’t do well?

This same principle translates to the emotional and relational aspects of our life as well. 

Let’s say you have trouble communicating your feelings or you have trust issues or intimacy issues or commitment issues. When you’re “not good” at any one of these, your primary relationships will suffer.

Or maybe your negative self-talk keeps you defeated and unhappy because you don’t know how to stop it.

Or maybe you’re just confused and don’t feel like you even know who you are anymore, or what you want, or what you want to do with your life.

These are a few of the many examples that can cause us ongoing pain – pain we suffer unnecessarily because we lack the tools to fix what’s wrong and the knowledge to know how and when to use them.

The craft of living is very much like any other craft or skill set you want to master. Before you can do it well – you first have to learn how.

Let me give you a real-life example.

I have a sewing machine (two, in fact). And I know how to sew. As a result, I like fixing those pants or shirts or jackets or whatever that have lost a button or suffered a rip or need hemming.

Anytime something like this happens in the family, they bring the injured item to me because I have the necessary tools (a sewing machine, needles, thread, buttons, etc.) and the requisite knowledge and skill set to achieve a successful outcome I can be proud of and my family is happy with.

BUT …

If I were to sit my husband down in front of my sewing machine and ask him to hem a pair of pants, he’d be lost. He doesn’t have the first clue about how to thread the machine even, much less what to do from there.

At the same time, this is no statement about him as a person. In fact, he’s incredibly smart – much smarter than I am. And he’s also a great guy.

So you see, it’s not a statement about him. It’s not personal. He just doesn’t know how to sew.


In much the same way, the problems you’re experiencing right now are not a personal statement about you. 

Said another way, you are not the problem.

Take a step back and look at your challenge as separate from who you are as a person. 

That helps you depersonalize the problem so you can then hopefully see that it’s just a situation you’ve not yet learned how to fix. That’s all, pure and simple.

The problem or problems you’re experiencing right now are not a personal statement about you – but about your lack of some essential life tools and skills.

Do you know what else this means?

It means that your problem is almost always fixable when you learn what you need to know to fix it.

Very often, you can quiet your mind or heal your inner wound or mend that broken relationship by learning just a few essential life skills. 

Your problem is almost always solvable when you learn what you don’t now know that is necessary to fix it.

We’re currently in the process of creating and releasing workshops, courses, and other interval trainings that are specifically designed to share some of these basic life tools and skills guaranteed to move you forward in terms of psychological, spiritual, and relational health and wellbeing. 

And you are invited to join us.

If you’re interested in finding out more, right now is the time to let us know! (Signing up for notifications about upcoming workshops, etc., does not obligate you in any way.)

Simply click the button below to be added to our notification list… and we’ll look forward to connecting with you!

Christian growth, Christian blog, Christian counseling, Christian coaching, Christian psychology, Growth Resources Online, stress, anxiety, worry, fear, depression

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